Wednesday, June 18, 2008

Be a professional... Mooch.

So, I'm doing someone in my office a favor and holding one of her new listings open for the Broker's Tour. Correct me if I'm wrong here, but isn't the point of touring listings to get to know the current inventory? Wouldn't this be a helpful thing to know? It's kind of like going to the grocery store and asking if they have wheat bread and the stock guy saying "ahhh... I'm not sure let me check the computer". Hey it's a grocery store you should know if you have wheat bread, right?

Since most Real Estate Agents are inherently lazy, most never bother to tour. Someone, somewhere, came up with the idea of serving lunch in order to entice the office dwelling fatties to come and look at a house so they might actually one day show it to someone who happened to call an office and get entrapped by the knucklehead working the phone with one hand and a tray of nachos with the other (not that there's anything wrong with nachos, mind you).

Now I'm working this broker open, which is really just hanging around an open house occasionally answering a question or two. On several occasions, some old fatty I've never seen before (usually because they never do anything), comes rolling into the house, straight at the food, stuffs her face, then wraps up some more to take with her, and never bothers to look at any other room and leaves.

Hey! Fat, lazy, agents, the food, is a thank you for learning about the new listing not, a free pass to the feeding trough. It is a fact, some agents plan their tour based on what is being served for lunch or given away in a raffle. What is wrong with you people? This isn't a farm equipment convention, where we wander around looking at the new combines. You are supposed to actually know what you're talking about!

Oh… wait a minute, on second thought this might actually be a stroke of genius. Let the morons be distracted by free cold cuts, and I'll make more money giving their clients great service by actually knowing what's going on and off the market.

So keep stuffing yourself, you heifers of houses, but remember... they fatten you right before the slaughter.


Moron Monday Award

First thing Monday morning, office meeting...

We usually have a guest speaker, who comes in, gives a ten minute talk about whatever (radon disclosures, new survey rules, staging techniques, etc.) takes a few questions and leaves.

It Never Fails, the same agent, shows up late, disrupts the meeting by trying to wedge her fat ass past all the desks to hers in the back (ever wonder why it's in the back?). She proceeds to have a conversation with her stall mate about blah, blah, blah, and then has the mental fortitude to ask the same question that was just asked 30 seconds before. Thanks for stealing five minutes of my life.

Congratulations, Monday Moron.


Thursday, June 12, 2008

More Mug Shots

Location, Location, Location...
and Balloons.

Don't worry I'll be out in time for the closing...

Wednesday, June 11, 2008

Agent Mug Shots

Why is it mandatory for agents to put their picture everywhere? What other profession does that?

Well I say, if you're going to post them, so am I.

What I love about this guy is that the Realtor® pin on his lapel is backwards (trust me it is, I didn't want to post a bigger picture). What that means for you boys and girls is that this guy Photoshoped this thing backwards (allegedly). Way to go Einstein. What else did you (allegedly) photoshop? And what's his hand doing in his pocket?
I'm not a tool.

Next, I'm not sure what to make of this one. She looks like she just woke up from a nightmare in which she got really drunk and married this guy as a joke with her girlfriends in Vegas. Only now, she's realizing it might actually be real.

Do Not Drink & Sell Real Estate

Captions anyone? Feel free to send in some contributions. Bad MLS pictures are sooo 2005.